So, I got a chance to hook up with a really cute girl I’ve had my eye on for awhile, but when something finally happened, and we were making out, she pretty much engulfed my whole mouth. It was like kissing a fish. I kept trying to make my mouth bigger and bigger to try and head her off, but then she would do the same thing. It was like having my face sucked on. Anyways, I like her, and I’d like to see keep hanging out, but only if that changes. Can I tell her? Can people change “Kissing Styles”? Or Is it just hopeless? Thanks.

Un-fish-me!

North Van

Well, not to blow anybody’s mind with my innovative ideas, but if you’re already having to open your mouth so much, why not open it just a wee bit more to talk to her about it? It seems like a reasonable first step (before one of you gets swallowed whole).

Too many people are let loose in the world with easily solvable, unsexy habits, because we’re all so afraid to talk about these things.

It’s awkward, but you’re not doing her, (or the next guy), any favours if you keep that mouth shut and move on. Sure, maybe that’s just what she’s into. But there’s always the chance it’s just a defensive habit she picked up because her last boyfriend was a fish-kisser, who picked it up from an equally fish-kissing girlfriend before that, and so on into infinity.

So, break the chain, Unfish. Do us all a favour, and talk to her.

Vera Zyla, sex-educator and co-owner of Vancouver’s own Art of Loving says “We are not born with the skills of how to lock lips and swap spit. Your mission -should you agree to accept it, is to be the teacher. Tips for you in Teacher Role are to focus on the positive and give her feedback on the positive actions she changes to reinforce them. Start out by saying something like “Hey, can I show how I just love to be kissed, that just drives me wild? She most likely will say yes!”

Obviously, it’s touchy, but if you are considerate, encouraging, and supportive when you bring it up, you won’t damage her. Most importantly, when this conversation takes place, don’t tell her that she’s doing everything wrong. Tell her how you like to be kissed, (which just so happens to be different than what she’s doing).

“When she does kiss you in a way you like….give her feedback like saying “ I really loved the way that last kiss felt…I’m so hot for you when you do it like that…” says Vera. So keep it light and make it fun. And to be extra cautious, make sure you keep bringing up how utterly, inescapably sexy she is. You know, just in case.

So I’m a straight gal in my late 20′s, and I think I’ve found the guy I want to be with. We’ve only known each other for 3 months, but we instantly clicked on pretty much EVERYTHING and it’s going so well. I can’t afford to live on my own anymore (Vancouver is EXPENSIVE!! and I’m paying off student loans), so I’m thinking of moving in with him- his place is right by the water, and I would be paying half the rent I am now. Problem is, I can’t tell if he REALLY wants me to move in, or if he’s just trying to be nice because of my financial situation. I think it might be a good test to see if we are meant for the long-term. What would you say?

Broke But In Love

Gastown

Let me put it this way: if the two of you lovebirds don’t want to be speaking a year from now, you should definitely move in together. Maybe I’m biased because my boyfriend of nearly four years still lives across the city, (which we’re both fine with) or because the thought of sharing my bedroom gives me an anxiety attack, but regardless, if you want all the fun, romance, and general sexiness of getting to know someone to be instantly joined with deciding who takes out the trash, and who unloads the dishwasher, then go for it.

There is so much fun to be had in the early stages of meeting someone; so much flirting, so much passion, so much excitement. Why would you want to ruin all that by behaving like married people right off the bat? This isn’t to say that there’s no joy in living with someone; there is, but it’s a very different dynamic from getting to know them.

There’s a comfort required of any domestic situation, and that same comfort is pretty stifling to the fun, sexy dynamic predominant in the early stages of any relationship (I don’t care what anyone says, your relationship turns a corner the minute you fish their hair out of the shower-drain)

To really know someone, you have to see them in every circumstance, and that takes time. You don’t know this person, and he doesn’t know you. Thinking of this as ‘a good test to see if it’s meant it to be’ is like taking the bar exam to see if you want to go to law school. Stop planning the wedding and start focusing on having fun! Get to know each others’ friends! Explore the city! Do neat things together and fall in love, but give it a fair shot by keeping your lives separate for now.

That being said, we all know this town is very expensive, and most of us can barely keep up with rent, let alone ever afford that condo and mini-chihuahua in Yaletown. So couch surf for a month. Find roommates. Shop somewhere other than Whole Foods. Move to a less expensive area, like East Van, where the fruit and veggies are cheap and you’re only a 15 minute bike-ride from downtown.

Meeting someone really amazing is like all the good parts of being drunk, and until you’ve sobered up a year or two from now, I wouldn’t risk it, even for that spot by the ocean.