I’m in an amazing relationship with my partner (I’m in my mid twenties and he is in his early thirties). We are very happy together, are very attracted to each other and to other girls. Over the past year we have had a few FFM threesomes and are very interested in having more. However, it is extremely difficult to find a third! Ultimately we want to find a girl we can play with on a regular basis in a “friends with benefits” type of relationship. Is this possible in Vancouver?? Where would be some good places to approach girls with an open mind? How do we approach the situation with them? We have tried going to Sin City and have tried to approach girls in the past but I tend to get a shy and don’t know what to say. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Searching for a 3rd

Gastown

Well, 3rd, what you’re looking for is one of that elusive, enchanting species known as the Unicorn - a single, sexually-empowered female who’s interested in being involved with a couple. The nickname is unfortunately apt; they’re so mystically rare that it often seems like they doesn’t exist. But, hark! Unlike actual unicorns, they can sometimes be found here in Vancouver.

If you’re looking for a sexual experience without much in the way of attachment, and you’re not keen on plumbing the depths of Craigslist forever, your best option is probably to leave Sin City behind for now, and make your way to one of metro Vancouver’s sex clubs, such as Club Eden in New Westminster. These are places where like-minded people go to mingle, dance, drink, get to know each other, and, if they really want to, go even further than that. Forget about images of sleazy swinger’s bars from the 70′s - moustaches, disco shirts, and chains. Most of these folks are very reasonable, fun, respectful - and, best of all, the women tend to run the show. Unicorns are still pretty rare there, but my boyfriend and I have definitely met one or two in our travels. Just keep in mind that it’s a private club - you can’t just show up there unannounced. You have to go through a screening process, and sign a contract, and pay a fee. Don’t worry, though. It’s totally worth it. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find that an even-steven FMFM foursome is pretty neat too.

That being said, picking up a single gal can be just as frustrating and difficult in a couple as it is on your own, and Vancouver - like most big cities, isn’t known for how easy it is to meet anyone, so it may take some time. Just remember, the rules are essentially the same as they are when you’re single; the best thing you can do is keep an open mind, and sincerely get to know people, before any advances are made. So next time you’re out, and feeling shy, forget about finding a sex partner, and focus on meeting a new friend. The notion that a Unicorn just shows up in your lives for the sex and then disappears, is unrealistic, for the most part.

For that reason, stay open to it being a good friend or acquaintance you already know and trust, who can remain a part of your lives, but also share in your intimate adventures, as well. Once you have a few new lady friends, or established friends as possibilities, make your general interest known, but without directly propositioning anyone for awhile. Being put on the spot by a couple that has a history together can be scary, and no one wants to feel like prey, so mention what you’re into casually, and leave it at that. You’ll be surprised how often people will find a way to bring it up to you, if they’re at all interested.

So, yes, there are options, and with some time and effort your magical Unicorn friend will eventually appear.

I don’t think drinking her blood will make you live longer though.

Illustrations by Jamie Bizness