So, I’ve just had yet ANOTHER conversation with another set of single gals about the same issue: Why do men in Vancouver seem so aloof and too cool for school?! This is a real common concern from a whole spectrum of women. There is a lack of eye contact or general friendliness. Are they ALL GAY? Is it because the ratio of women vs. men is too high and guys feel that they don’t have to try to be approachable? Are there just a huge amount of pussies in this town? I’ve recently moved here from Montreal and I’ve been fortunate enough to have traveled quite a bit….I’ve only experienced the above here! Why? Thanks!
Perplexed
Commercial Drive
Perplexed,
Ah, yes. I’ve certainly had similar conversations with my girlfriends. But, you know what? I’ve also had those conversations with my guy friends. Before you start diagnosing why the men in this town don’t talk to women, I should probably point something out: Everyone in Vancouver has a hard time talking to everyone else.
Pourquoi? Maybe laziness, fear, too much time on Plenty of Fish, or just that big cities are less personal.
Regardless, even though it’s “traditional” for men to approach women, it’s not practical to commiserate that the boys aren’t pulling their weight. So what can a girl actually do?
Don’t wait around for that eye-rolling hipster to approach you. He won’t. People who approach others for no reason come across as one thing, Perplexed: creepy. So give him a reason to approach you. Or, better yet, find a reason to approach him. Make it easy for men to talk to you. People need openings, and usually all they have to go on is appearance, so wear a crazy flower, funky shoelaces, a mini-parrot on your shoulder, anything really, that’s fun, helps you feel open, and can start a conversation. For the guys who are simply being aloof: fuck ‘em (not literally, mind you). There are plenty of neat, engaging boys out there who just need some encouragement. Be open to talking to all sorts of folks, so when that hottie does come around, you’ll be comfortable challenging him to a thumb war, or whatever. Be out in the world. People rarely meet each other without being introduced, so hang out with that random friend you only see once in a blue moon. Get to know his or her friends. Get involved in different communities; if you only go out to clubs, go see live music. If you only go out to live music, go out to a burlesque show. You won’t be able to change the entire face of the Vancouver (non) social system, but you can change it for yourself if you’re willing to try. Do it yourself.
Stuck on the Side
Main Street
Stuck,
Well, first of all, congrats on opening up and empowering yourself to have fun and feel sexy. As for your current situation, I’m going to go out on a limb here and risk offending absolutely everyone by saying that, under certain circumstances, it’s totally okay to be “the other woman” in a sexless marriage. But- the first person he should be talking to about this is his wife.
He needs to talk to his wife about whether or not either of them are getting what they need from their relationship, sexually speaking. They need to see if they can find a compromise for their differing sex-drives.
If she expects monogamy, but is unwilling to be intimate, that’s completely unfair, and would likely lead to the end of that marriage anyway. But, if they’re willing to talk this thing out like adults, there’s always the chance she’s willing to let him have his needs met somewhere else, and holy shit, maybe she might event want the same thing for herself! Either way, many, many conversations need to happen between him and his wife before anything happens with you. He needs to let her in on this decision. Honesty first. Always. Anything less than that is incredibly selfish and cowardly, and why would you want anything to do with somebody like that?
Unless you really do want to be a jerk, you’ll have to let him know this. If they have those conversations first, and all is swell, he’s worthy of your company. Anything else is very wrong (and not in a sexy way).